Captain's Log: Cruise

For those of you who wanted to reminisce about the good ol Braddock dayz. So we go on this "young professionals" cruise last weekend. They use the word "young" and "professional" loosely. A man sat next to use during dinner who was about to celebrate his 50th birthday. He told us the same story 20 times and then it got to the point where we would finish his sentences and then he would say...."yeah, howd ya know?" We got there at 2pm and when we checked in, they gave our very coveted, "open bar card." Those dumb bastard lost lots of money on us. They didn't know what hit them. Yes, you heard right, an open bar for the entire cruise. The ship should have been called Gluttony of the Seas. It was just drink, eat, drink, eat pizza, drink, go to Atlantis, eat and then eat more pizza. So we arrive at our "stateroom" which should have been called mistakeroom. It was actually a 2 person room but since we were 3, they threw a small "cot-like" object on the floor and called it Veronica's bed. Lucky for us, she knew her place. So we head to the Lido deck or as they called it, the Libido Deck, for our first drink. Nothing like opening up with some champagne. This is where we met a man named Mike, or as he will soon be known, The Cruise Director. This guy knew the itinerary from second to second and would tell us what was going on all over the ship...every day. He had this radar and knew where we were and would find us to provide that days going ons. Yup...annoying. Coincidentally, he was the first person we saw when we arrived and somehow he was the last person we saw when we left. Like a herpetic lesion. So now its 4:00 and its time for the muster drill. So, we decide we are not going to go. But we're smart, so we take out the life vests from the closet and put them in the bathroom, where the 5 of us (we recruited our other friends on this genious idea)....hid. So muster drill on its way, our room was checked and we made it! So we thought. Then as if nothing, we started yapping and playing music and got busted. Out steward caught us, so we sent Veronica to the door. Poor thing, she already got the busted up bed and now we put her to take the rap for our little escapade. Great start to a great cruise!



Recap

• Wait Kelly..I have a t shirt you can borrow. Oh, nevermind, I don't think you're going to want to wear one of these: one is a gator's shirt, one says, "Elegantly Wasted," one says "Drinks Well With Others," and one says "Sleep Around."


• Is that what you had said?


• This is not Royal Carribbean, they do not give you a bag for your stuff, they give you one last look at your towel creature and send your ass on its way.

I am listening to the news this morning and am hearing the word "rehab." No, not the kind that you see running rampant on SoBe. Its shopping rehab for those who spend too much money. Look, in this day in age, if thats the worst you're doing, shop away.

Karma is a bitch

OJ Simpson was convicted of armed robbery and kidnapping yesterday....an exact 13 years to the day of his acquital in the killing of his wife and Ron Goldman. He is facing life in prison. That's the thing about justice, eventually, it happens.

Miami Spice is over but Oktoberfest has just begun. I am sure there will be some free beer and weiner schnitzel somewhere.

OK, so what are we doing, who are we meeting, what are we seeing, what are we eating?

Christy's Restaurant is celebrating their 30th birthday, which is not hard to imagine considering that everyone inside is like 130 years old.

YOLO (you only live once) yeah we know...cheesy. A new restaurant right on Las Olas in the heart of Fort Liquor Dale. The restaurant comes complete with a lounge that promises a chill vibe.

A new French restaurant has opened in the Grove, Le P'tit something. I don't have anything to say about it other than, there is likely to be a lot of Euro-wanna-beapeans there.

We are very excited to visit the new rooftop lounge at the Mayfair Hotel in the Grove. It has the typical cabanas and white curtains look but there is something new. Ninetendo Wii. Interesting concept. I guess the Grove is getting a complete makeover. This grown up makeover might run out the drunk UM students looking for a 25 cent beer night. Aww that sucks, those little guys sure do make the best rebound hookup.

As if TV couldn't get any worse. I mean, honestly, its like an insult to our intelligence at this point. Back from the old school, Beverly Hills High School that is. 9 0 two dumb hoes has reunited and is creating a new series. So whether you wanted to be popular like Kelly, a bitchy slut like Brenda, mofugly with a fucked up boob job like Dona, wanna be James Dean like Dylan, creater of the spike your bangs like Brandon, or just stupid like David, now is your chance. Because they are bringin it back! So I am sure they will have all the normal high school problems that those poor inner city kids from Compton have but they will do it with style. No doubt, there will be BMWs, Gucci's, Juicy, Ed Hardy, heart ache, and heart break. But we are in a new era now, so its gonna be all about drugs, anorexia, suicide, pregnancy and all that good stuff that faces teens everyday. Yup can't wait. I will be over here...on the edge of my seat.

To Do

The Uppereast Side Garden, a very intriguing little spot in the upper east side, is having a fabulous event on Saturday night. Its dinner and show, but it appears there will be food, music and putt putt! Break out your clubs cuz there's a giant clown head with your name on it. Ten bucks gets you free Grolsch and martini's!! 7244 Biscayne Blvd.

Shout Out

A very Happy Birthday to our favorite person, Miss Peyton Decker. She is always there when you need her, she manages the Kendall location of the freeloader hotel, she picks you up when you are down, she picks you up when you run out of gas, she is the most popular person in Dade County. She is the quarterback of our team, the ying that is our yang, the ebony that is our ivory, the peanut butter that is our jelly.
That being said....

Things not to do

Enter yourself in a dance contest knowing that your friends have cameras and cell phones with video. You will never live it down.

Remember people, no one is safe from the blog.

Recap

• Its gonna take more than a cheesy photo op to get the tall bitches out of their seat
• Yeah, this bag is from high school...T, you're not going to find your virginity in there.
• With music like this I gotta do the two step, but now and then I do the jacket flare

Casa Abreu

Even though Miami Spice is fully under way, the Restaurant at Casa Abreu is also serving up some specialties. The chef, Eddie, his fiance (my BF) Melissa, and his cool daughters, Katy and Yedesi, love to entertain. On a recent visit to the restaurant, kabobs were on the menu, along with some other surprises. The chef likes to start off with "wow" type appetizers. This time it was ceviche, one shrimp and one fish marinating in a tangy, spicy sauce with habanero peppers for an extra kick. The chef also served an appetizer of lightly grilled ham wrapped around a piece of toasted pineapple. It was a perfect blend of sweet and salty. Three types of kabobs were skewered, beef, chicken and sausage. The kabobs were separted by marinated vegetables and cooked up to perfection. The chef also likes to wow guests with interesting libations. On one occassion they served up a blend of amarreto and vodka topped with toasted coconut shavings. Beware: the chef enjoys "night caps" and often talks his guests in having a few. If you are a lightweight, don't do it. This is not a location of the Freeloader Hotel. The nearest location is in South Kendall but if you run out of gas along the way, the manager may come pick you up, 305.986.6582. Another time, chef and fiance cut down coconuts from their backyard and made pina coladas and froze the drink inside the coconut. It was served from the freezer with an umbrella and straw. We hear fiance has a coconut bra but we think only chef gets to see it. Casa Abreu is more than a restaurant, it is an entertainment complex. One a recent visit, fiance broke out an easy bake oven (thats right, old school) and we re-learned how to hula hoop. There are several games to choose from and last night, we even went on a field trip. Party City to be exact. You see, chef, fiance, cool daughters and myself are planning the next full moon party. We (the inner circle) planned the details of the menu, the amazing decorations and cocktails. If you would like to be part of the inner circle, and believe me you want to, you will have to bring 2 bottles of wine (we like beaujolais) and a "wow" type dish. Put away your cheap ass chips and salsa, the chef is from Mexico and this will offend him. He wants something exciting, something that makes him go...wow. This will allow you membership to the inner circle and perhaps even an invite to Casa Abreu for a carnival day.

The Spice is On!

Yes, its finally here. Miami Spice months. Last night we tried Prime Blue Grille in Downtown and all we have to say is that it was our culinary dream come true. As you recall, they were having their endless pour of featured wines to celebrate their one year anniversary. Which in miami years is like a century and a real reason to celebrate. Well, our very delightful waiter took us on a tour de wine, beginning with rose and ending with a dessert wine. (PS people, rose is not white zinfandel, I mean you don't see daisy dukes and country fried steak around do you?) This guy was serious too, he would get mad when the other wine pour people would come around and mess up his rotation. The wines got more full bodied as our bodies got more full. Their spice menu was fantastic and included fish, pasta and two steaks. Delightful waiter informed us that they change the spice menu often throughout the two months so new surprises are in store. The restaurant is beautiful and has indoor and outdoor seating with a hip hop happening bar. Don't think that you are cool enough to roll in without reservations, you know who you are Josh. It ain't Denny's. You will have to wait all leaned up on a pole starving your ass off. BTW, the lobster bisque has actual pieces of lobster, 8 pieces to be exact but word on the street is that you gotta get there early, the bitches be ordering it and it runs out. If they ever have this endless pours night again, we will let you know.

Across the street is an outdoor happening restaurant as well, Manny's. They have a champagne bottle the size of my car inside and the manager was super cool even though he was doing shots of wine. WTF? We will be revisiting soon, investigating and reporting back.

Put your bulletproof vests on, round up your homies and your AK 47 and head down to Bayfront Park tonight to catch some old skool rap. That's right, Nas, Tribe, Mos Def, Method Man, and my favs the pharcyde and what? De La 'Mo Fo' Soul in the house. You risk your life by going. If you have nothing to live for go. Personally, I wouldn't even drive on the highway near Bayfront tonight....stray bullets.

Recap

• The crypt keeper keeps stealing our glasses
• I asked for my steak well done, do I have to say charbroiled?
• Oh my god, you are in danger, do you need a donation?
• I'm the one who didn't drink in school, and I am the one who has a baby
• Keys disease, dont bring it back
• Your neck look ostrichy
• I stole these matches. You don't have to steal them, they give them away

Just in Time for Football Season!!!

You knew it was only a matter of time before my little slice of heaven made it on the blog. This is her new outfit. A picture can't quite capture its cuteness. Now we need to find a sports bar that allows dogs. Your suggestions are welcomed.

Last day of the month of the Julyer

Serendipity
Yeah, I bet you forgot about that section. Now, you're gonna have to scroll through the blog to see what that section is all about. (its about nothing)

On the topic of well drinks....what is a well drink? well, I wish I could get top shelf, well, I don't pay today, but I pay in the morning, well, I might as well, I mean its free. Well...no more. Don't do it people. Just say no.



Sad News. Fanucci's on Lincoln has closed its doors. They had the best ravioli I have ever had, this side of Italy, or, this side of the nearest Italian restaurant. They were like little pockets of deliciousness, with fresh ricotta cheese and spinach in a delicate pink sauce, not to heavy, not too light. Always right. Anyways, what I do not get is that no more than a hop, skip, and fried rice away is Kim's Chinese restaurant. The largest Chinese restaurant in dade county. It occupies some serious prime real estate on Lincoln Road. How does Kim stay opened? You know that its only her and her 5 relatives from China eating won ton soup everyday, yet Kim seems to be thriving. Maybe Kim's got some dumplings nobody knows about. Things that make you go hhhmmmmm.

Spotted in Miami

Gone are the days that you would drive by a seven eleven at 10pm and see all the tricked out rides parked in a row with their hoods up in a nascar style competition. It was an amazing display of testosterone, whose was bigger, louder, more powerful. Yeah, that's right, it reminds you of an ex boyfriend you used to go cruisin with, your hair all did up with dippidy do (or dippidy dont) with a curl all hugged up on your forehead, don't deny it. Denial....ain't just a river in Egypt. On a recent trip down the 836, I saw a lowered corolla, with, instead of a spoiler, a towel rack attached to the trunk of his car. Yup, who needs Exibit to come pimp your ride, just go to the nearest bed bath and beyond. Hey, A for effort man, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonaid.

I used to go to Hooligans like 10 years ago (you remember those days) and one night, while waiting in a long line out front, the door guys says...hey, a lowered red honda civic is being towed, and about 17 guys left the line to go check their ride. Gotta love the MIA

To Do:

Prime Blue Grille in Downtown is having a power lunch and power dinner for $23 and $36, which includes a bottomless pour of wine! Again, an establishment that does not know what they are getting themselves into. It is located on 315 South Biscayne Blvd.

Ovary Alert!!! There will be a denim sample sale this weekend at the Miami Beach Convention Center. Men, close your ears, we pay $200 for jeans. Levi's...that's yesterday's news. The jeans of today promise a J Ho ass and an Ana waistline. So, put down that skinny cow and run to SoBe. Its opened from noon to 7p on Sat and Sun.

Sadly, no recap. I have been working very diligently write, for school, not the blog, and have not been going out. Like I said, people, the recap section do not write itself. However, we did receive a funny video from our very own male BF D-Dog which I think ties in very neatly into today's theme. Enjoy.

UF # 1...once again

I know, I know, no blog for 3 days. But I can't, I am all blogged out. I have to write a paper for school and how would it look if I told my major professor that I have been blogging all this time and my literature review for dissertation is not done. Well, if I was getting another PhD, as in Player Hater Degree, I would be top of my class but I ain't.


Yup, us Gators already knew this, but for you common folk, it may be new news. We have been voted the #1 party school in the nation. I am sure this is not news to my parents as they pondered for the first three years if I was even going to graduate college, but yes, we have gotten our title. And we stand by it! If you recall and I am sure you do....my voice mail message of 2007...
"hi, you have reached Tania, alumni of the #1 football team in America and for the second year in a row, and the first time in sports history, the #1 basketball team in America. Then, the gator fight song played. Needless to say, people stopped leaving messages. So all you Gators, do the swamp chomp and re live the glory days of 5 cent margaritas at CJs, 50 cent pitchers at Purple Porpoise, 2.00 well drinks at Florida Theatre and amateur boxing Congo Craigs...yeah, I did it and got my ass kicked. Anything for a free bar tab right? But bring on the new college football season.

I heard on the news this AM that somewhere in Pheonix, they participate in a new type of marathon. Basically, the runners run a lap and are timed and then the stop at the bar and down a beer and are timed. So they run and drink, run and drink, run and drink, for 26 miles. The competition is the same because winners are based on best times, running and drinking. The finish line must one hell of a spectacle and I am sure there are several videos that have already ended up on you-tube. I think here in Miami we participate in a similar type of marathon....just, we skip the running.

We are taking donations to buy our boy BF Damian a new flask. Without it, it is just water and cubes or cubes and coke. We want to spring for one that is specially made for his dimensions. Like a tailor made suit, that ain't cheap. So please send your donations to http://www.iamacrazydrunk.com/.

Word Up
Ana: This girl Ana...as in ana-rexia is the skinny bitch that walks by wearing all bones, no skin. She is likely on the south beach diet, cocaine and alcohol, and when she walks by, you want to tell her to eat a sandwich. Poor Ana, somebody throw a bone some snacks.

To Do:

Miami Spice is starting up on Friday and yours truly will be posting the week's top picks and I will include their menu on the blog so its one stop shopping.

Gotta love the Bar on Ponce and Giralda. Where is it you may ask? On Ponce and Giralda. They are having shot night tomorrow night, where its $2 Cuervo and Jager all night. Not sure if that Jager comes with the bomb, but I say...spring for the bomb!


Disclaimer: No one is safe from the blog, anything you say and do, or said and did, or I thought you done, can and will be used against you. So clear those skeleton's out of the closet or at least make friends with them. You know who you are.